Why I Started Planning My Wedding Before the Proposal
(And Why I’d Do It Again)
Let’s just get it out there—I’m a wedding planner who didn’t actually want a wedding!
Yep. The person who helps others create dream days for a living wasn’t dreaming of her own. I always thought if I got married, it’d be something super small, maybe even just us and a witness, sipping champagne somewhere quiet, or having a very intimate dinner with just family.
But my partner? He wanted a wedding. Not a 200-guest ballroom blowout—but something real. Something shared. Something celebratory. He said he wanted me to have a wedding, so I didn’t look back and regret it later. So, when I realised we were going to have one, I knew it had to feel true to us: small, intimate, and entirely stress-free.
And that’s when I started planning my wedding before my husband had even proposed. Yep, before the ring, before the Instagram-worthy “she said yes” moment, I was knee-deep in mood boards, vendor searching, and quietly researching venues. And you know what? It was one of the best decisions I made.
Why I Didn’t Wait for the Ring
Like so many modern couples, we knew we were going to get married. We’d had the conversations, the big life chats, and we were ready to build a future together. We were also ‘older’, so we knew what we wanted and both felt we had finally found the right person. The proposal was just a formality. So when I found myself scrolling Pinterest and swooning over minimalist garden setups, I thought, “Why not?”
Spoiler: Wedding planning is a lot. The earlier you start—even unofficially—the more relaxed and intentional the whole thing can be.
What I Planned (Before He Got Down on One Knee)
I didn’t book anything behind his back (I promise!). But I did:
Start a vision board for the kind of vibe we wanted—small, heartfelt, and intimate.
Research venues that aligned with that feel and our budget.
Chat with a few vendors to see if they were available and fit our budgets.
Sketch out a guest list to get a realistic idea of what “intimate” actually meant.
It wasn’t about locking anything in. It was about understanding what we valued and how we wanted the day to feel. No panic.
No, “I have 3 months to plan everything!” Just calm, curious prep.
Why It Actually Made Things Easier
By the time we were officially engaged, I felt ready. Not just emotionally, but logistically. I already had a short list of vendors I trusted, I knew the budget ballpark, and we weren’t scrambling to book anything last-minute.
Even better? The proposal wasn’t overshadowed by the pressure to get planning immediately. We got to just enjoy it—no spreadsheets in sight (for a few days, at least).
The Reactions—and What I’d Say to the Critics
Yes, I got the “Wait, you’re planning already?” side-eye more than once. But here’s the thing: our generation is rewriting the wedding rulebook. And I’m all for it.
Planning early didn’t make the engagement any less special. It made the process smoother, more thoughtful, and 100% more us.
My Advice If You’re Thinking About It Too
If you’re in a committed relationship and know marriage is in the future? Start dreaming now. Gather inspo, make lists, talk budgets. It doesn’t mean you’re rushing—it means you’re preparing with intention.
Whether you're weeks away from a proposal or just love the idea of a relaxed planning journey, early planning can be a gift to your future self.
Final Thoughts
Planning a wedding before getting engaged might feel unconventional—but sometimes, that’s where the ease lies. If this is your vibe, own it. Your wedding, your way, your timeline.
Got questions about how I did it or need help starting your own pre-engagement planning journey?
Slide into my DMs or leave a comment below. I’ve got you 💌